Manoj Bajpayee Opens Up About Being Suicidal

Manoj Bajpayee Once Wanted To Commit Suicide,Reveals In An Interview(File Image)

New Delhi: Bollywood's one of the most versatile actor Manoj Bajpayee recently shared in an interview with Humans Of Bombay about his struggles in the film industry at the starting of his career and about his eventual success. 

Speaking of his co-star late Sushant Singh Rajput from Sonchiriya, Manoj Bajpayee revealed that he once had suicidal thoughts but was able to escape that horrifying phase with the help of his friends. 

Manoj Bajpayee grew up in a village if Bihar and decided that he wanted to become an actor at the age of nine. He further revealed that he was a fan of Amitabh Bachchan and often use to visit the city to watch his stories. 

He was very passionate about his career of becoming an actor and left for Delhi at the age of 17 and started doing theatres while studying at Delhi University. He also shared that back in his village, people used to often call him "good for nothing". 

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“I’m a farmer’s son; I grew up in a village in Bihar with 5 siblings–we went to a hut school. We led a simple life, but whenever we went to the city, we’d go to the theatre. I was a Bachchan fan & wanted to be like him. At 9, I knew acting was my destiny. But I couldn’t afford to dream & continued my studies. Still, my mind refused to focus on anything else, so at 17, I left for DU. There, I did theatre but my family had no idea. Finally, I wrote a letter to dad–he wasn’t angry & even sent me Rs.200 to cover my fees! People back home called me ‘good for nothing’ but I turned a blind eye. I was an outsider, trying to fit in. So, I taught myself English & Hindi–Bhojpuri was a big part of how I spoke. I then applied to NSD, but was rejected thrice. I was close to committing suicide, so my friends would sleep next to me & not leave me alone. They kept me going until I was accepted. That year, I was at a chai shop when Tigmanshu came looking for me on his khatara scooter–Shekhar Kapur wanted to cast me in Bandit Queen! So I felt I was ready & moved to Mumbai. Initially, it was tough–I rented a chawl with 5 friends & looked for work, but got no roles. Once, an AD tore my photo & I’ve lost 3 projects in a day. I was even told to ‘get out’ after my 1st shot. I didn’t fit the ideal ‘hero’ face–so they thought I’d never make it to the big screen. All the while, I struggled to make rent & at times even a vada pav was costly. But the hunger in my stomach couldn’t dissuade my hunger to succeed. After 4 years of struggle, I got a role in Mahesh Bhatt’s TV series. I got Rs.1500 per episode–my first steady income. My work was noticed & I was offered my first Bollywood film & soon, I got my big break with ‘Satya’. That’s when the awards rolled in. I bought my first house & knew…I was here to stay. 67 films later, here I am. That’s the thing about dreams–when it comes to turning them into reality, the hardships don’t matter. What matters is the belief of that 9-year-old Bihari boy & nothing else.” -- HOB with @sonylivindia brings to you the story of Manoj Bajpayee, whose life has come full circle. To watch his award winning performance in Bhonsle, click on the link in bio!

A post shared by Humans of Bombay (@officialhumansofbombay) on Jul 1, 2020 at 5:25am PDT

Bajpayee also shared that even after applying in the National School of Drama (NSD) he got rejected from there at least thrice. Due to all the struggle and rejection, Manoj Bajpayee soon started having suicidal thoughts but was recovered with the help and support from his friends. "I was close to committing suicide, so my friends would sleep next to me and not leave me alone. They kept me going until I was accepted," he revealed. 

He then moved to Mumbai in the continuation of his struggle of becoming an actor. He also revealed that his photo was once torn right in front of his eyes by an Assistant Director and also lost three projects in one single day. He was also once asked to "get out" after his first shot. 
"I did not fit the ideal 'hero' face, so they thought I'd never make it to the big screen. All the while, I struggled to make rent and at times even a vada pav was costly," Bajpayee said. 

After struggling for four long years, Mr. Manoj was handed his first role in Mahesh Bhatt's soap opera Swabhimaan that aired on Doordarshan. He shares that he received Rs. 1,500 per episode as his first steady source of income. 

His on-screen performance was soon noticed by many and he started getting appreciation for his work. Ram Gopal Varma offered him a major in his 1998 release Satya which was his big Bollywood break. 

Manoj Bajpayee recalled Sushant Singh Rajput from the sets of Sonchiriya and said, "I remember him as somebody who came from Patna and carried the rootedness with him with all the dancing abilities, with all the coolness and charming smile. He was a small-town guy inside...That I used to relate quite a lot," he said. 

Sushant Singh Rajput passed away on 14 June, by committing suicide.

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